Thursday, March 31, 2011

So Over Everything!

Here's an honest post about my life. I'm so fucking sick of it! At this point I don't care who reads this or what they think after they do. If you choose to use it against me then you can kiss my fucking ass.

I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which means I have some REALLY BAD DAYS! People judge a lot and think I'm psycho but I am at the point where I don't really care what they think anymore. It's a real problem. My anxiety because of it has been through the roof lately and pretty much no one cares. It's a problem that can swallow you whole. There are a few things that could help me not get there but NO ONE seems to try to do any of those things. Everyday I struggle to get out of bed, weather it's from the constant excruciating pain that I'm in or from the PTSD. And every day I have to take on the world for simple things that everyone else takes for granted. Seriously. I can't even reach in the dryer without feeling like there's razors shooting from my spine.

Everyday I face lots of things that remind me of everything I CAN'T do. I'm not looking for pity right now either, I'm trying to educate you on what it's like, or if you are in a similar situation let you know that you aren't alone. I've been through SO much in the last 3 1/2 and I have had to alter my life in ways I never thought I would have to all because of someone else's negligence. I had to take 2 medical withdrawals from school (but of course I still need to pay that loan back), it took me 3 1/2 year to get a 2 year degree, I can't work because I can't sit, stand, bend or otherwise move without pain, I'm an emotional wreck because everything is finally catching up to me, I have doctors, psychologists, psychiatrist, physical therapists, orthopedics, lawyers, insurance companies appointments and all sorts of other things almost every day of the week. I have no time to have fun. Not that there is a whole freaking lot I can do.

Today I screwed up an important doctors appointment. I have too many things going on that I can't even keep track of everything. My quality of life is shit right now. I'm just SOOOOOO sick of having people say "I wish I could make it better. I'm so sorry you feel like that." and then I flat out let them know how they can help and they DON'T! Even though I bend over backwards for them, or their family. It's 15 times harder for me to do it than for someone else to. Oh and when I spend money and it's unappreciated it really pisses me off. Ya wanna know why? Cuz I CAN'T WORK!!! You're just lazy and don't feel like doing anything for yourself cuz everyone else always does it for you. Must be nice.

How is all this fabulously raw emotion for you? I'm sick of trying.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Sick, Femme Fatale and Doggy Modeling!

Good morning, readers! I hope you all slept better than I did. I was having nightmares all night long! I would wake up and I would be in super amounts of pain and my anxiety was going crazy. Gotta love PTSD and having back issues. Bah.

I'm still sick, unfortunately. I've been trying so hard to get better but it just isn't working. Ithink it's because we have regular tissues in the house, not the Anti-Viral kind. I swear by those. Nonny's going to the store todayand she said she'd grab some though. Along with Nyquil so I can hopefully sleep tonight.

Today the new Britney Spears album,
Femme Fatale, came out. Of course I had
pre-ordered it on iTunes weeks ago. I've had
it playing all morning. I think I like it. I know
in a couple of days I'll end up loving it, that's
usually how it works.

London, my dog, also did some modeling of her bows from BowBiz Dog Bows yesterday! I absolutely LOVE the bows from there. I'm a little obsessed. I have so many, probably 25-30. My dog dresses and accessorizes better than I do. Ya know what though? I'm ok with that, haha. Accessories for her are cheaper than accessories for me. Here are a couple pictures of her so you can see just how cute she really is, lol. The last one is my favorite.

I hope all of you have a great day. Sorry the text is all sorts of messed up on here. I don't know why it did that or how to fix it.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

First Post

Hello, world! I'm not really sure what to write in this yet. I was all sorts of excited to get this thing up and running then I decided I wanted a customized layout and banner to make it stand out a little bit more. Let's be honest, the prettier a blog is the more you want to read it. So since I LOVE hot pink, glitter and zebra stripes I decided I'd get Photoshop and make something happen. HOLY FAIL! I have a whole new respect for graphic designers, or anyone with creative talent. That is something I seem to be lacking now. It took me like 3 days just to figure out how to make zebra stripes happen inside my name. Then I had to get the size right, find a background, come up with a name and whatever else I tried to do. Well, I finally figured it out and guess what... I HATE HOW IT LOOKS!!! Ohhh boy, I was so frustrated I was about to throw my Macbook Pro and my brain out the window. My Mac is idiot proof, that's why I love it. Photoshop however is exactly the opposite, I can't just drag a zebra on top of a letter and watch the magic happen. My friend, Kristen, offered to make me something pretty because she saw how bad my banner was, lol. She's super talented too so I jumped at that! THANKS KRISTEN!!! I can't wait to see what you come up with! But for now you get to look at the hot mess I spent countless hours creating, lol.

Well it's Sunday night and I'm sick so guess what that means? I have a date with my bed, my blankie (yeah, that's right. I'm 24 and I sleep with a blankie) and some chick flicks! I will also continue pumping large amounts of Dayquil, OJ and water into my body in hopes that my wimpy immune system will kick into action.
"Rawr, I'm germy!"