Friday, November 11, 2011

Happy 11/11/11!!!

Look at how lucky you are, I'm writing a new blog entry ;) Kidding. I hope you wished for something good! It's almost 11:11pm here in New York so I've got one last chance to make an extra big wish!

My boyfriend is spending the night at his cousins house playing Skyrim all night long with her fiancĂ©. I have no idea what to do with myself. I ate way too much dinner with Nonny tonight so I should be in a food coma, but my back hurts too bad to sleep so I'm beached on my queen size bed talking to you. Or at you. 

I went today and bought my mom her Christmas present. She's gonna FLIP! I'm so excited. I don't know how I'm going to keep it a secret for a month and a half. 

Not much has happened here lately. Just doctors appointments. I DID get the Gardasil shot though. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It stung for a couple seconds. They gave it to me in my upper arm/shoulder. I did get some side effects but NOTHING like the horror stories I read online. My breathing and swallowing was a little harder yesterday and they day before. it was almost like a thick coating happened in my throat. And I had pain down my arm, shoulder and neck. It hurt really bad to touch (aching pains) and it hurt to lift my arm up. so brushing my hair and showering were more miserable than usual and the injection site itched sometimes. not it only hurts if it's poked or bumped. Overall it was no big deal and I would recommend it to everyone who can get it. Trust me, I'm a baby when it comes to needles.

Well I think I'm gonna watch some Roseanne and try to sleep. Unfortunately, James's snoring wore off on London (my dog) so it won't be a quiet night after all. I hate snoring...

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


Why is it that I can go for a long time without getting sick and then when I do I get one thing on top of another? Last week I ended up with a sore throat. I figured it was a virus but my grandma made me go to urgent care cuz she thought it was strep. I was perfectly happy taking motrin and tylenol and eating scribblers popsicles. But she forced me. Like I don't see enough doctors, right? Well, even though my tonsils and adenoids came out almost 5 years ago, I managed to get strep. And a really nasty fever with it. I get put on z-pack and my throat stops hurting. Then because it killed all the good bacteria with the bad I get the WORST stomach bug! I'm going on day 7 of the worst G.I. problems. Thankfully I think i'm on the road to recovery from that! But all day my jaw/neck has hurt and I have a giant inflamed lymph node under my chin. It never ends. 

My back has been just as miserable as ever. I have pills for nerve pain and pain pain but I hate taking the pain pills because they make me sleepy and nauseous (I will never be able to spell that word without spell correct). The nerve pills I take every night make me sick. Ugh, for Christmas I would like a new body.

I was looking forward to my appointment with my spine doctor's PA tomorrow but they called and cancelled that saying the doctor wanted to see me. So now I have to wait until the end of the month. I'm annoyed because he keeps losing my MRI so I'm getting nowhere. I finally agreed to nerve burning, epidurals and injections (I'm TERRIFIED of needles) and now we get nowhere because he loses them, misplaces his notes etc. My lawyer has sent copies twice, I had them sent from the imaging place myself and his secretary called to get them. The past 3 appointments have been pointless because he's done nothing. Except successfully give me a full blown panic attack when he asked questions about my accident (for like umpteenth time). At least after that I was finally able to get the pills I thought would work for me (and so far they have been). 

Tomorrow I also have an appointment with my Primary doctor to go over how my meds are working for me and to get a shot. EEK!!!! OMG you have no idea how terrified I am. I HATE NEEDLES! I would rather do math homework. I've decided to get the Gardisil shot. That's the one that prevents HPV. I never thought I would need a shot for that because I'm not a skank-a-dank-a-skank but recently a friend of mine and he husband split up and he cheated during their marriage. The result for my friend was a cancer scare. She has HPV which showed up on her annual exam. Luckily she is cancer free right now but she will always have the virus and she may not be able to have children someday. And she was only with her husband. THAT opened my eyes. I don't ever want that to happen to me. So I figured if 3 shots can prevent that from every happening to me, then I'll get them. Luckily I have Valium and a Nonny that can drive me to get it. I'm so scared. Can you believe I'm 25 and absolutely terrified of needles? Among other things, haha.

Funny story. Another friend of mine closed his tanning salons (that's not funny) and gave me a bunch of tanning products for free. One thing he gave me was a sunless tanning spray. At like 1 in the morning on Sunday my boyfriend and I decided to spray me. OMG!!! I'm so glad I did that in the shower. MESSYYYY! And I ended up a nice burnt orange color. After 2 showers my color has successfully washed away though, lol. I should have taken a picture for you, but then you'd have blackmail later on ;)

This is pretty accurate. Except I have green eyes.

 Ok, well 'm gonna go get a heating pad and some motrin for my lymph node. Cross your fingers and say a prayer for me for tomorrow. 

Saturday, November 5, 2011

I'm Feeling Festive!

For the past week or so I have been in a seriously festive mood! I am so full of holiday spirit that it's killing me. It's only November 5th though! I have a long way to go before I can allow myself to do something about my bundled up jolliness. I normally don't allow myself to do anything christmasy until the day before Thanksgiving (to prepare for Black Friday) but yesterday I got a Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks. Big mistake! Huge! Now I'm so full of the holly-jollies that I could burst!

Peppermint Mocha = AWESOME

I think I'm extra excited because not only am I hosting my very first Christmas dinner but Chris, my boyfriend's son, will be here for 2 weeks too! This will be James's first Christmas with his son! Since he's almost 7 he's old enough to really enjoy Christmas and Santa and all the other amazing holiday things!

I already have a good idea of everything I'll be getting him too. I like to think that I'm a pretty good present giver so hopefully he'll like it. I wish I wasn't on such a tight budget though! He's a great kid and I'm sure he knows Christmas isn't only about the presents. He'll be happy just to spend the time with his dad.

On another (semi-related) note; Where are all the leaked Black Friday ads? I mean, I have my sources and I know what's out already but every other year there have been many more out in early November. I like having everything planned out ahead of time then just verifying on Thanksgiving morning with the print ads. Oh, Toys R Us, if you read this, please for the love of Jesus DON'T open at 10pm on Turkey Day. Rumor has it that's the plan. I think midnight is a fine time. Let families enjoy their time together and give thanks with each other (and let their food digest) before the Super Bowl of shopping begins.

Well I think I'm done with this for now. Time to continue resting and let this strep throat heal. Expect a lot more updates in the near future!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Tis The Season For COATS!!!

Hey everyone!!! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I've had more than I can handle going on the past few months. Some good, some bad. But that's another day...

So here in Rochester, NY the weather is getting CHILLYYYYY!!!!! I busted out the Uggs and had to get a new coat. My awesome black pea coat that cost over $200 has threads coming out of it. WTF, right?! I guess just cuz you pay a lot doesn't mean it's made any better. So I went out shopping, with my mama, and we both got new coats. My mom does so much for me since there's a lot I can't do. She shops at second hand stores so she can have extra when I can't pay a medical bill or so I can have extra to do something fun that will let me forget about all the stuff that I can't control. So, I got her a new coat! She said to me "I've been wanting a nice pea coat for years but unfortunately they don't sell those at Goodwill."

So where did we go??? Old Navy! OMG! They have the CUTEST coats! And they're affordable! And they were all on sale too!!!

That's my Mommy holding the coat I got. I couldn't figure out which scarf I wanted.

My mom got the shorter black pea coat. And that's her REALLY having fun and smiling!

Then I tweeted about how awesome the selection at Old Navy was, along with a few pictures and a Rochester shopping twitter ReTweeted it for ALL of Rochester to see.

My original tweets

The RT from a Rochester Shopping Advice tweet.

So anyway, my mom and I had a great time shopping at Old Navy. It was nice to be able to treat her for a change :)

Here we are happy with our bags :)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Woke Up Too Early

I'm gonna leave out all the bad things that have been going on because of my PTSD and pain from the accident and I'm gonna focus on good things, cuz that's more fun to read. Unless you're a hater who just comes here to read about all the bad stuff.


James and I had our picnic on the beach! We had sandwiches (I LOVE Schar gluten free baguettes for sandwiches), lays stackers, yogurt with reese pieces and San Pellegrino Aranciata :) That means orange flavored Italian soda :) So yummy. It was pretty hot at my house, then I got to James's it was like 10 degrees cooler, then when we were actually ON the beach it was at least 5 degrees cooler. It was pretty chilly when the wind blew but it was nice to not have to wear pants and a hoodie!


We went to the Zoo! It was so much fun! Between the beach and the zoo James got sunburned. I got zero color because I'm already so nice and bronze :-P Totally kidding, I'm only like half a shade darker than he is. The elephant exhibit was closed because they're building a new area for them and adding a baboon and lion area down there too. I was sad. I love heffalumps :)
Rochester's Wild Animals; Construction Vehicles. And beyond that Elephants! It's totally normal for them to live in construction zones, right?

We spent most of the day watching the Rhinos. I decided I liked them because they remind me of dinosaurs. Of course this led to me renaming them Rhino-Saur's. I'm clever, I know you're blown away right now. Lol. I learned that their bladders are probably the size of Munchie. One of them had to potty while we were watching them, twice. Seriously it was like a hose was hooked up under the rhino and it peed for like 2 minutes at a time! It was crazy. We laughed. And I took a picture. I'm a 5 year old.
Rhino Tinkle


The Lilac Festival started! I went with my friend Amy and her cousin, then went to the doctor and came back with Diane, Chris and Munchie. I didn't walk around too much though because it hurts. I ended up getting sunburned a little since I was outside a lot. That's what I get for making fun of James for being pale, lol. I don't mind it though because that means that Rochester, NY had sunshine and warm weather! It started pouring during the free reggae concert that Chris wanted to see. Holy guacamole, free reggae concerts bring out all sorts of interesting people. We got soaked and freezing pretty quickly so we didn't stay too long. Longer than I would have liked because I get cold easily. But it was fun. Then we went to Uno's for dinner. The air conditioning was on and was almost unbearable! But it warmed up a little. Diane let me use her sweatshirt that was in the car. I got Munchie to speak some Spanish! He counted to 15 and said all sorts of words. I didn't remember how to say salt though. I still don't. I'm quite rusty, haha. He also thought it was fun to taste lemons, lol. I got some cute pictures but I haven't taken them off my camera yet.

Well now its Saturday and I've been awake since 6:30! Sleep and I don't get along, but you probably know that already. Today I'm hoping the acrylic I ordered comes in the mail, well re-comes. The first time it busted open in the mail so they have to send a new one. It seems like it's taking forever the second time. I plan on not doing much today since even though I took it super easy, I still over did it. My back isn't thrilled right now. So I'm gonna snuggle my puppy and relax for a while. I hope you have a good day!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Tonight is a Taylor Swift and Mariah Carey night

Rough couple of days. I can't even begin to get into everything that is going on. But the icing on the cake came yesterday in the mail. I have a court date for disability coming up. I chose to do this without a lawyer because I'm already paying one and can't afford another. So I have a TON of things to get together in the next 20 DAYS and I have no idea where to begin. So how do I react? I cry, cry more, sob hysterically in the shower, make a few phone calls, cry while I'm on the phone like some sort of moron, cry through therapy then listen to some Mariah Carey and Taylor Swift and let myself cry without beating myself up for doing it. Sometimes I think it's important to do that. Some of the words are exactly what I need to hear right now. I'm going through withdrawal from the heavy meds I was on for PTSD. My doctor had me stop them immediately because I had a really bad reaction to it.

I have plans with James to go to the beach tomorrow and have a picnic. I'm looking forward to it, but it's hard to get excited about anything right now. All I want is to be snuggled, have my hair rubbed and have someone tell me everything will be ok and acknowledge that I'm doing the best I can.

Sometimes I really miss high school. It wasn't a school, it was a family. It was amazing and I'd give anything to still have all those people around me all the time. The teachers and students would come up and hug you and let you cry or yell or run around or do whatever you needed to do. And if you acted like a fool cuz you were over your head they didn't hold it against you, they just understood and helped when you were ready. I had my share of days where I needed to be able to lay on a futon and watch a movie, color all day or hide under the table and sleep, haha. That school saved a lot of lives and gave a lot of kids the chance they needed.

Well, I'm going to lay down, try to clear my mind and fall asleep.


Sunday, May 8, 2011

Super Busy Weekend!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

This weekend was super crazy. My life is super crazy who am I kidding? My pain has been horrible, my anxiety is horrible and I'm pissed off 90% of the time. FIX ME! So, I need Physical Therapy and Psychology and a variety or other doctors and what not's right? Right. But I have so many problems that I can't work, right? Right. Gas is $4.20 a gallon by me, right? Right. I have a money tree in my backyard, right? WRONG! I seriously can't even afford to get the fucking care I need now because of gas! It's been this way for weeks. No body seems to understand that. And I KNOW my Orthopedic won't! So I'm stressed about seeing him, I'm stressed that I don't have time or gas to go to any of my appointments like I'm supposed to and because I know my crappy insurance will be like "she's not going to her appointments so now we wont pay anything." I need some help! Something has got to give. I unfortunately can't get out of this situation on my own. UGH! HELP! I feel like I'm stuck in a downward spiral. And I need new meds for anxiety. I unfortunately am getting some scary side effects that can be related to the new pill I started. Gotta call the doc up tomorrow. Which means he'll try something new and I'll have to fight with my insurance again. It never ends. Seriously, I have the WORST car insurance ever. They're supposed to be on MY side. And ya know what would be cool? If I heard from my lawyer in the past like 3 months. I've been getting calls from bill collectors over medical bills my insurance was supposed to pay but didn't and they were supposed to take care of that. Jesus, both of these companies are supposed to be on MY side and I feel like they aren't! Hey, lawyer and insurance adjuster, if you're reading I NEED YOUR HELP! THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO! HELP WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN!!! I didn't get in this position by myself and I can't get out by myself either.

Ok, I needed to vent. That seems to be all I'm doing lately and I'm sorry. I really am. I need to get things under control but the harder I try the worse it seems to get.


I had a high school reunion Saturday! I graduated in 2005 but this was a student organized thing and it was so fun! There were people there from the class of '03 all the way up to '10! I was a little hesitant to go just because I was so crabby but I really had a fabulous time even though all the people from my "core group" of friends weren't there! I think it should be an annual thing! Bravo to the people who put it together!!!

I'm on the left with the big white purse

Drama Club Superstars!

After the reunion James and I went to my Mom's house to celebrate Mother's Day with her. We made dinner and played xbox! Then in the morning she had her traditional Mothers Day breakfast. Green eggs and blue pancakes... and bacon of course! Lol. This tradition started when I was too young to use the stove but I wanted to make my Mommy a special breakfast in bed. I made pancakes with food coloring and sprinkles and scrambled eggs with food coloring and cooked them in the microwave, lol. I can't imagine how awful it tasted but it started a tradition. Now I'm old enough to use the stove so it tastes a little bit better. Oh, and I didn't use the sprinkles, lol.

Then later today I celebrated Mothers Day with my Aunt and Grandma the only way we know how... with DRAMA! Lol. Things were pretty tense for a little bit but it calmed down and we ended up having a good night. Especially since tonight was a good episode of Desperate Housewives! I hope the police believe Susan! That poor woman has gone through so much lately!

Well it's 12:39AM so I guess I'll try to get some sleep now. Wish me luck!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Insomnia, Pain and Anxiety OH MY!


It's 12:39 AM right now and I can't sleep. I normally can't sleep easily because my mind races with visions of car accidents and stretchers but my Dr put me on new anxiety pills that are supposed to help me sleep. I used to take Ambien before I moved back to Rochester. I wish my would just refill it. Instead he gave me a prescription for a medicine used to treat PTSD that makes you tired so I take it at night. It DID make me fall asleep within like an hour-ish but I would still wake up from nightmares, pain, anxiety and sometimes a straight up panic attack. He upped my meds and gave me an "emergency" one for when I am starting a panic attack. I was supposed to take it every night for a week at first though. I will admit my anxiety is slightly less, but it still has a way to go though. And the fact that I'm not sleeping is making everything worse. Your mind plays tricks on you when you don't sleep. For real. so that makes it even worse. For the past several weeks, since before I did the nannying, I have been averaging about 4-5 hours of sleep a night. And that's not 4 or 5 restful hours, I wake up every 45 minutes - 2 hours then it takes me a while to fall back asleep. I have lots of thoughts running through my head then. The stupid train that drives by my house every 13 seconds blowing it's whistle doesn't help either. Ok, it's not every 13 seconds, it's like every 90 seconds but whatever :-P

Pain. OW OW OW OW OW OW OW! Today my back was KILLING me. I did nothing out of the ordinary but while I was in the middle of eating dinner with my family I ended up bursting into tears because it hurt so bad. I never complain about it so they know when I cry I'm really in bad shape.

I think I really need to start complaining more so they understand that it's a problem I deal with every minute of every day. Do you know how exhausting just that alone is? I just choose not to make my problems other peoples problems. But that always comes back to bite me in the ass with this family. I love them all but they really need to learn to think before they speak because in all honestly I'm kind of a broken person. I have a thick skin and trust me I'm a fighter but the second I turn my back I cry and go upstairs to my room. And the constantly picking on me for things I CAN'T change or do anything about needs to stop. I spent some extra time at my moms this week and didn't do any therapy because I needed to regain my sanity. I feel like I'm always getting kicked while I'm down and getting salt poured in my wounds and I don't know why people would want to do that to me. I'm just a girl who's dreams were crushed because of someone else's carelessness. But I kept trying, for 3 years!!! I've done everything I could do and didn't listen to the doctors who told me "you can never be a doctor because of your injuries. You physically can't handle the schooling and the residency" but I kept trying. I have loans out my ass and no ability to work to pay them off. But everyday I try to make a good day. And feeling like a failure for so many reasons is a hard thing to get past every day, not being able to carry laundry, give myself a pedicure, walk my dog and things like that are horrible reminders that I am not the same as I used to be. But then when I'm told things like "you're getting too fat" because I can't run anymore or "you don't deserve to have your dog, you can't even walk her" because her pulling makes the walking hurt even more or "what are you gonna do with your life? You can't even go to school" makes it a million times more unbearable. So, for the record, I had plans of what I wanted to do. I busted my ASS to get to where I was, which might not be as fabulous a place as you, but I was proud. And I had confidence and I was going to change lives. I was unstoppable. The came the dumb lady in the Lexus and that life was over. Even though I fought like hell to hang on to it.

Now, I'm not sure what I'll do. Maybe go into business for myself at some point since I'm the only one who can understand what I need physically and emotionally. But really, after all this I just want to be a great wife and mommy someday. Not now, but someday. Shit even if I was to get married in 5 minutes and have babies my spine would probably snap. Hopefully in a few years I won't find out I can't do that, cuz that would devastate me. I should have lived in the 50's. I like the simple things in life a lot more that the glitz and glam. I'm kind of a diva but I have my core values and I would give up the chance to be rich and famous to be loved and secure.

This was a lot of babbling but I hope anyone who knows me personally got something out of it. I have a lot more to say but I think I've said enough for now. I'll end with this...
Until you've walked a mile in my shoes, don't judge me. It'll be the toughest mile you've ever walked and I've done it for years.

It's 1:19AM right now and I'm STILL too anxious to sleep.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Making Tracks For Celiacs

As you all probably know I have a gluten allergy. I found out 3 years ago this month that I could no longer be the pasta inhaling machine that everyone knew and loved. After 2 days of eating gluten following like 2 months of a gluten free diet my doctor had me get a blood test. Normally, I guess people are supposed to eat gluten foods for a full week before the test but I was miserable and my grandma didn't like seeing me like that so my dr tested me early. My results came back as a low positive for it. Basically, what I was told was "I can send you for the biopsy to make it official and then you can never eat gluten again or I can spare you that and tell you not to eat gluten anymore" I opted for the less painful. I'm not big on needles or any sort of procedure. Then last year I moved to Binghamton for school and was so freaking poor that I was eating gluten because I didn't want to ask my family for help. *GROSS STORY* I ended up vomiting A LOT of blood and spent the better part of a weekend in the hospital getting my digestive tract examined, you can use your imagination to figure out how they did that... ugh. So after all of that it was confirmed, Celiac Disease.

I'm telling you this because this morning James and I signed up for the Rochester, NY Making Tracks For Celiacs walk! There is no minimum distance that you have to walk so I won't feel like a failure if I don't finish because of my back/knee pain! Plus it's obviously a cause I believe in. I'd LOVE to someday be able to pay 50 cents for a loaf of sandwich bread instead of $6! Our team is called the Silly Yaks! Corny? Maybe, but I love it. I'm looking for donations of any size so researchers can try to find a cure/treatent. If you want to donate you can do it HERE. I set a group goal of $200 but I'm hoping to far pass that!

I also want to make tee shirts for me and James. He doesn't know this yet though :-P I have an idea of what I want but no artistic talent. I just want a goofy drawing, nothing fancy. So if you're up for the challenge let me know, I'd love your help!

As I end this entry I'd like to give a shout out HUGE thank you to the people who are reading my blog! Especially the ones in the United States, Iran, Russia, Germany and Canada! I have the most views from these countries. You guys are awesome and I totally appreciate you guys taking the time out of your day to read about my life. Leave me a comment sometime.

That being said, I hope all of you in EVERY country have a fabulous night/morning/whatever it is where you are now! Oh, and GO SILLY YAKS!!!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

This Week Flew By!

I haven't even had time to update this. I've had some pretty seriously intense back pain over the past 3 weeks. I'm really ready for this to be over. I just want to be normal. The weather has been pretty nice lately so I've been fantasizing about being able to run, bike, surf, hike, play volleyball and all other fabulous things I haven't been able to do in years.

I actually walked my dog at the dog park earlier this week. Ok, well my boyfriend walked her. I focused more on making sure my knee didn't give out and trying to breathe through the back pain. Yeah, I'm a pro at lamaze and I have no kids, haha. I didn't make it even halfway to the actual park but London was happy. And even though it hurt really bad to walk the 1/8 of a mile-ish there, and hurt for days after, it was nice to do something normal. I love when London is happy. James played with her Chuck-It for like an hour. She was so pooped, lol. Maybe I should get a 4 wheeler so I can drive up and down the path, lol.

Happy with her stuff

Family Picture

Other than that I have been helping my Grandma and Aunt with Munchie. My Aunt's townhouse flooded. And they can't stay there until everything is clean and dry because it's making Munchies asthma worse. He's been stuck to me. I love it 99.8% of the time. His favorite thing is my phone. He loves going through my pictures and telling me who's in each one. He also helped me clean out my car. He washed my windows, wiped part of my dash, counted my pennies OVER AND OVER, found Chuck E. Cheese tokens and was thrilled. He even carried all the flip flops that were in my car to the step in the garage for me. He wanted to be buckled in the seatbelt so I helped him and he goes "WOW!!! Like you!" so cute! Ahh, I could eat him up.

Buckled in like the grown-ups while we cleaned

I spent some time yesterday in a tanning bed... I don't know how I got burned but I did!!! My armpit region. OW OW OW!!! The artificial rays don't usually see there. lol. Now I hurt there too! Lol. Funny tanning story, once when I was in Virginia Beach on vacation with my Aunt and cousins my Aunt told me to put sunscreen on. I never wore sunscreen, only tanning oil. So i rubbed some on my hands and slapped my back. My entire back was burned except that handprint, lol.

I slept at James's house last night and we hung out with his cousin and her fiancee. I love them. I ended up falling asleep on the couch while they were there. Yeah, you can say it, I'm a party animal, lol. Today we decided to go on a PICNIC! OMG I was so excited. I got a new blanket the other day it's half zebra and half hot pink, I call it my zebra! So we went to Wegmans and got stuff to pack up and headed to my house to get London. We made our sandwiches, packed yogurt, chips and sparkling juice (and a container of London's favorite wet food and water for her) and as we walked out the door it started to RAIN!!! So we walked London around the house for a few minutes and came back inside. We had our picnic, minus the zebra, in the dining room. Then we watched a bunch of Roseanne and snuggled on the couch. It was still fun :)

OMG! BREAKING NEWS!!!! OSAMA BIN LADEN WAS KILLED!!!!! I'm so glad. I mean, personally I think all American's should get to beat the ever loving shit out of him and let him suffer, but at least it should give some small bit of closure to the poor families of all the people he killed and hurt. To this news I say good riddance you fucking bastard. I hope you suffer every day in hell.

Today is the 3 year anniversary of my Great Grandma's death. I miss her every day. She was a great woman. R.I.P. Gram, I love you!

Gram, me and baby London

Sunday, April 24, 2011



This is just gonna be a quick update. I'm done nannying. THANK GOD! Some days were good, some were bad. Overall I'm glad it's over. The dad missed his flight and got back 2 days late. Oy. Today I got the rest of the money, after some serious drama, and now all is right with the world.

I went to Brunch at the Holiday Inn with my family, my boyfriend and his mom. It's a tradition. My boyfriend tried to take my mom's title of Bacon Eating Champ but my mom help strong! Even dipping some in the chocolate fondue. Lol. Go Mom!

I went and saw my Dad and Step-Mom for a little bit today too. Sooo full of delicious GF Key Lime Pie!

Now my back is killing me so I'm going to take a pill, watch Desperate Housewives, snuggle my dog and hopefully fall asleep.


Monday, April 18, 2011

Why Are My Pictures Being Annoying?!

Yesterday and today were pretty fun! I love when I can say that! Yesterday was a pretty lazy Sunday. The kids and I didn't do a whole lot. We went to Wegmans and bought some food for them for the week and we got all the ingredients to make dinner. We made homemade pizzas and ice cream sundaes for dessert. Josh's half of the HUGE pizza was just plain cheese and pepperoni. Sara did half white pizza with basil and mozzarella and the other half had red sauce, cheese and red onions. She LOVED the white pizza. Mine was a Gluten Free work of art! I used Against The Grain's three cheese pizza crust. It was a white pizza with garlic, ricotta, mozzarella, basil, red onions and roma tomatoes. SO DELICIOUS! It's my new favorite pizza. Then we made sundaes, oh they were magical, lol. French vanilla ice cream, hot fudge, sprinkles, mini chocolate chip and whipped cream. We made them in martini glasses to make them look fancy :)

Half of my pictures are saving upside down or sideways, I don't know why. I fix it on iPhoto but it doesn't load right on the internet. WHYYY?!

Other than eating we played The Simpsons Monopoly, watched Desperate Housewives and then we watched Paranormal Activity 2. They love scary movies but were too scared to watch the next movie, lol.

Today I woke up and my Aunt called me wanting me to come get Munchie cuz she was in pain from surgery and my Grandma was about to lose her mind. I hardly ever turn down Munchie time :) The kids I'm nannying wanted to visit their mom for a few hours so I decided to spend some quality time with my Munch at Bounce-It-Out. It's a big building full of bounce houses. I wish I could play on them too! He had soooo much fun. I love him. Then we went and bought stuff to do Easter Eggs tomorrow when I watch him.

Well, I guess I'm gonna try to relax now. Cross your fingers it stops SNOWING! Seriously, Mother Nature, it's mid April. I know you're old but if you can't do your job correctly then it's time to retire.


Saturday, April 16, 2011

No Bunny!

This morning I went with Munchie to an Easter Egg Hunt. That meant I had to wake up super early to get ready and drive to my house to get him but that's ok cuz I love, love, love Munchie time! When I got there he was still asleep so I had to wake him up. He kept telling me "shhh" and pretended to snore, lol. So I put London in his crib and told him "London wants to say good morningg!" and he started laughing sooo hard. London gave him lots of kisses and he was ready to play with Nannon (me). So I got him out, got him ready and we headed out. When I was getting him dressed I had him laughing soooo hard. Seriously, is there anything cuter than baby laughs?

So we go to the Easter Egg Hunt and he was kind of shy at first but then he warmed up to it and we were off hunting eggs! He found 13! One was a special egg and he won a prize, a Pooh puzzle! He was stuck to me like glue all day. Especially when the Easter Bunny came. He didn't like that. He kept yelling "NO BUNNY!!!" but at the end he actually gave him a high five. I was proud. His Mom and Dad ended up coming too but he only wanted his Nannon. Such a fun time with him.

Looking for eggs

Kisses <3

After the egg hunt I came back to the kids I'm nannying (who are allowed to be left alone during the day) and I got my hair done. Sara ended up going shopping. She came back with some skanky clothes and I groaned. Her parents just don't care. Then she leaves wearing a SEE THROUGH SHIRT! Seriously. I told her to be back at 10:00, it's 10:17 right now. I am so stressed out with her. I am absolutely done with this. She is going to have a very miserable spring break now. The sad thing is she thinks of me as a friend and this is jeopardizing that relationship. I can't deal with the lack of respect. Well, she just walked in the door now, at 10:24, so I think I'm going to have to get off here, send her friend home and have another serious talk. Her friend must think I'm such a bitch. It's the same friend from Sunday who was here for all that drama. Ugh. At least I'm halfway through the 2 weeks now.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Hilarious Day

Today was a really great day! That's surprising since I woke up in awful pain this morning, an hour and a half before I had to be awake! Eventually it got down to a tolerable level of pain. Can't someone invent like Percocet Lite? A pain killer just as strong but without all the side effects and the risk of dependency. I'm not at all worried about becoming addicted, I don't take them enough to have that happen. Plus I get no high from it, just pain relief. Well, and nausea, spinning, headache and vomiting. Don't see how people get addicted. But yeah, a version without all the horrible side effects would be cool so I don't have to live in constant pain. After my accident I had a shoulder injury but a chiropractor was able to take care of that with time. Now it only occasionally acts up. Holy guacamole, it's been bad for 2 days now. To the point where I can hardly shift my car. I can't lift my purse or set it down with my right arm now. My Mom had shoulder surgery scheduled for her shoulder once but my Aunt, who is a Massage Therapist, was able to fix it so she didn't need to get it. So I figured if my Mom had such a horrible problem that they were going to operate that maybe a massage would help my shoulder. Yessir! I had my boyfriend rub my shoulder and arm for a little bit and it's a little better! Yay for awesome boyfriends!

Spring Break started today for the kids I'm nannying. I'm a little nervous for a repeat of how the teenage girl acted on Sunday when she didn't have school. She behaved all week though and I held firm with my rules so I think she knows who's boss :) The 11 year old boy has been pretty awesome. I thought I would have a harder time with him than the girl. Other than Sunday it's been good. But I'm still here until next Saturday morning so there's plenty of time for that to change. *Fingers crossed that it doesn't*

Yesterday I found out Josh loves The Simpsons and Monopoly! I have a Simpsons Monopoly game! We played that for about 2 hours and we will continue tomorrow. When I walked in with that game OMG, he was SOOOO excited!!! He couldn't wait to play it after dinner.

Sara made dinner tonight. Rice and beans. Their father is Puerto Rican so they love it. Me, not so much. But Sara was so excited to have me try it so I did. It was actually pretty good. She puts potatoes in it though. I wasn't a huge fan of that but I was very impressed with what she made. While that was cooking Josh decided he wanted chicken with it. So Sara started defrosting it in the microwave... it partially cooked. Disgusting. Then she seasoned it and put it in the oven. She didn't set a time and all of us forgot all about it. Sara went in her room while Josh and I played Monopoly. 2 hours later I get up to go take a shower and I say "what smells like fried chicken?" and Josh and I run to the kitchen, Sara heard it and we all starting laughing SOOOO hard. I took it out of the oven and I seriously chipped a nail poking it. It was FRIED! So dried out and disgusting. We couldn't stop laughing. Good times.

Season, bake at 350 for about 2.5 hours

Tomorrow morning I have to wake up super early to take my 2 1/2 year old cousin, Munchie, to an Easter Egg Hunt. I absolutely love him :) My Aunt had surgery today so she wont be able to go. But him and I will have fun, we always do. My Aunts surgery went well and she is recovering comfortably.

After that I'm getting my hair done!!! YAYYY!!!!! My roots are so bad.

Well I think I'm gonna have to get ready for bed now, I have to be up in less than 8 hours so I can get ready and drive home to get Munch. I also get to see LONDON!!!! <3 my pupppy!

Buenos Noches!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Happy Day

James & Shannon

See that handsome face? That's my boyfriend <3
Isn't he handsome?! I love him.

I got to see James today! YAYYY!!! While the kids were in school I went over to his house and he made lunch for us. It was so good to see him! I go crazy when he's not around. And the chili was pretty good too :) He also bought me Gluten Free Ravioli so he knows I can eat while I'm nannying.

I was happy to receive warm food because here in the lovely Rochester, NY it is FREEZING!!! I woke up like 1,000 times last night cuz I was so cold. I don't know what's up with the heat in this apartment but it seems like no matter how much I turn it up it's still cold! All the rain here doesn't help I'm sure. Brrr! SUMMER!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!

One of the smoke detectors in the hallway of the apartment building is dying, it has been beeping really loud every few seconds since Monday. Why has no one fixed it yet? Maybe I'll call the office in the morning and let them know. After my appointments, of course. Stupid doctors :(

Saturday I'm getting my hair done :) So excited. I have got some awful roots! I used to be able to do it myself but it hurts my back too much for me to do it anymore. Stupid blonde and it's horrible, expensive upkeep. Luckily for me when I worked at a salon I met a girl who can give me the blonde I want. Some people just suck at blonde.

Well I'm off to read a book and try to relax... even though there's that constant beeping.

Buenos Noches!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Today the kids were absolutely amazing! They had their tutor come after school then I helped Sara revise her midterm for her big English project.

I had some appointments today. I seriously don;t even feel like talking about it though. SO STRESSFUL! And student loan payments due, had to do another deferment since I'm freaking disabled now.

Gotta keep positive. I was super down today but then I had a break... GLITTER IS ON TV!!! The Mariah Carey movie! I don't care what anyone says about this movie, I LOVE IT! I'm Mariah obsessed. Always have been, always will be. I just saw someones tweet that Mariah is in labor, I don't believe it though. She'd text me, haha.

Dem Babies!

Well I'm gonna lay down and watch my movie :) and re-read the Meg series by Steve Alten. CAN'T WAIT for the next book.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Day Two

Today went a LOT better than yesterday. THANK GOD!!! Both kids were pretty well behaved. I'm just waiting for them to go to sleep now so I can take a pain pill. I'm dying. My back is killing me. Everything I do is making it worse. I see my spine doctor tomorrow but he hasn't done anything lately to help :-/

After my appointment today I drove to my house and saw my puppy :-D I seriously miss her soooooooo much!!! She was super happy to see her mama :) I can't wait until I can sleep in my own bed with her again.

10:29... one more minute until their bedtime. Hurry up!


Kids are in bed, no fight! Sweet! Time for some pills and hopefully some sleep.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Nannying Day One

There is no better form of birth control than watching a 15 year old girl!!! Especially a girl who's parents let her do anything she wants. I was seriously about to drop her off at her mothers house and be like "YOU deal with this!" And her friend was a real smart mouth too. The little boy has been excellent though. Thank God! If neither of them were behaving I'd probably lose my freaking mind... but considering I have them for 12 more days I guess there's still time for that. Thank God I am meeting with my psychologist tomorrow!

I don't know if I posted this but I'm seeing her 2 times a week now until I can get all my PTSD junk under control again. I have about 9 million appointments this week that I'm not looking forward to. One new doctor too. WAHH!!!

I went shopping with my grandma the other day. I think I bought half of Guess, haha. I seriously love that store. I'll love my clothes more when I'm

Well, I'm going to try to get some rest now. My brain has had enough for one day!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Last Night Home For 2 Weeks

I'm fighting back tears! OMG I didn't think I would care or that it would bother me! I can't imagine not snuggling with my puppy for 2 whole weeks!!! She's gonna think I abandoned her! I'll still come home during the day every couple of days but she needs her nightly snuggles and rubs and her morning spooning session with her mama!!! And truth be told, I need that too. London is my baby.

At least she'll be able to enjoy the whole bed

Today I went shopping with my Grandma (who is better known as Nonny) and I got a ton of clothes from guess. They also gave me something money can't buy... The horrible realization that I have turned into a big fat pale whale. OMG! I NEED to lose weight, I looked gross in those clothes. I went up a size, ok, if we're honest more than that because it's still TIGHT! I would give anything to be able to run and really work out again. I feel like I'm drowning in blubber.

My knee is still in a good deal of pain from the other day but it's calming down a bit. I'm able to drive my car... It hurts a lot, but at least I can do it!

Well I have some serious snuggles to get in with London Muffin so I'm gonna call it a night. Nighty night!

Thursday, April 7, 2011


Today I watched my 2 year old cousin for a little bit while my Aunt went to an appointment. He's a little delayed in his speech but is making excellent progress considering all the hurdles he's had in his life. He can copy what you say but never really says anything by himself unless it's "Numa" which means popsicle, "Nummy" which is gummies or "juice" "mommy's house" "toy store" "bounce" and my name, either Shannon or Nannon, Nonny, Mommy and Dada. But today he said HIS FIRST FULL SENTENCE! To ME!!!

I somehow managed to sit on the floor to play with him. He has a pop up Thomas The Train shaped tent that he was playing in. So I tapped on the outside of the door flap and said "knock knock knock" then he opened the flap and said "Hi! Come on in Shannon!" I was dumbfounded! I said "I can come in?" and he said "Yeah. Come in Shannon." Omg it was sooo cute!!! We had soooo much fun. I love that little guy so much!

And seriously, I specifically remember telling him he's not allowed to grow up! He needs to stay my little munch man forever. *sniff* He's almost 3!

Here's a picture from about a year and a half ago. I love this picture. It was one of the ones that covered my Biology binder.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Too Much Going On

Oh Lord, where do I begin?

Good stuff or not so good stuff?

Not so good followed by the good. Gotta end positive!

I need money to pay for the gas to get to all of my appointments but I can't work. I also am not independently wealthy nor are my parents millionaires. Mom, Dad, if this statement is inaccurate, please feel free to punish me by throwing money at me. So this puts me in a bit of a jam, then this fabulous opportunity to "nanny" for a friend of the family comes along. It's for 12 days while the kids dad is in South America. The kids are 12 and 15 and just need someone to make sure they're up for school and to cook dinner and help with homework. I'd be able to sit/stand/lay when I need to, they don't require me to chase them or bend. I'd have my weekdays free to go to my doctors and I'd be able to be home (their home) to the kids before dinner. I thought it was for a week... today I was told it would be for 12 days! This is a large issue because I have a dog and a bunny. And my Aunt is having surgery. And she has a 2 year old. And her husband travels for work. And my Grandma can't handle all of that herself. Oh, there's one other little detail that was left out... THE KIDS ARE ON SPRING BREAK!!! I have lots of EXTRA doctors appointments that week in addition to all the normal ones I have. That also means I will be dealing with 12 days of not having sleepovers at my boyfriends house. I NEED boyfriend time. He keeps me sane (most of the time). Plus he cooks me food and buys me candy :) Any idea how I'm gonna tackle THAT?! I'm glad I have a meeting with my Psychologist tomorrow. I feel like I'm gonna explode. But on a happy note, I do feel special, honored, respected etc that their Father is comfortable with letting me watch his kids while he's out of the country. I was the only one he wanted. THAT'S trust!

My knee is a hot mess. Duh, we all know that. Well today I was at James's house playing Naughty Bear on Xbox with him and it decided to try and commit suicide. Seriously. I was sitting on a chair, in a normal position, both feet on the floor playing a game and I moved my foot and my knee popped, swelled and after about 30 seconds I couldn't move it. It hurt so bad, I was crying my face off. I felt like a moron. This isn't the first time he's seen me cry from pain, we lived together for a year. He actually witnessed my leg giving out because of the nerve damage in my spine which made me collapse and caused these wonderful tears to begin with. And some of the most excruciating pain that my back is in when it's at it's worst, along with the killer pain I'm in on a daily basis that I try not to complain about. And he's seen my panic attacks. But anyway, this isn't why I felt like a moron. I felt like that because I try so hard to be positive on a daily basis and hide the fact that I am in pain that I feel like I fail at being a good person when something pushes me over the edge. And his mom came home while I was still crying. I couldn't move. I had to have my grandma come and get me because I couldn't drive. I have a standard and it's my left knee so pushing the clutch in would have been impossible. I hate that stupid car. But, positive, it's feeling much better after a pain pill and 6 1/2 hours. Unfortunately I hate pain pills because they make me sick to my stomach and my head all foggy. But they kill the pain.

Yesterday James and I went to Wegmans to grab some veggies to go with dinner and he found Gluten Free CHOCOLATE COVERED PRETZELS! He bought them for me and they were delicious! Thumbs up Glutino! If you are allergic to gluten I suggest giving them a try. And if you work for Glutino I'd love some free stuff for promoting you! Lol.

Well kiddos, I'm off to bed. I can't focus on anything anymore because of this pill. I unfortunately need to try to sleep (hahahaha) or I'm going to be sick.


Monday, April 4, 2011

Getting Back On Track...

As you probably could tell I had a bad day a few days ago. Unfortunately it wasn't just one. It was close to a week of emotional torture. I'm slowly getting better now, until the next time. I just hate how people seem to make things worse when I let them know I'm going through something.

Other news, I'M STILL SICK! I don't know what kind of super intense germs got in my body but I wish they would leave! It's been a week and 2 days. No matter how much Dayquil, Nyquil, OJ, Fruits, Vegetables and Flintstones Vitamins :) I take it just wont quit. I even tried baking them to death in the highest level tanning bed my tanning salon offers for the max time! Nothing is working. If anyone has an idea, feel free to share!

The other night I went to James's (my boyfriends) house. After some seriously annoying drama I had a freaking blast! We had eggplant night. We've both been craving it so we tried new recipes. Neither of them health. I have a Gluten Free recipe blog I might add the recipe to it a little later. James made fried eggplant stuffed with bruschetta. I made the bruschetta, it was delicious. So was the overall result of his idea. I cut really thin slices of eggplant and put mozzarella and a piece of basil between two slices, breaded them and fried them. So good but better with bruschetta on top :) I'm obsessed with bruschetta right now. Then I went out with his cousin, Christina, for a little girl time (shopping) while he hung out with her fiancee, Greg, for some guy time (video games). After a couple hours we all met up at Applebees for happy hour. $4 mudslides? Yes please! $2 beer for the boys? Yes again! While we were there they played Living On A Prayer. Of course Christina and I felt it completely necessary to belt out the lyrics pretty loudly. You might be thinking "wow... how obnoxious" but we weren't the only ones! Like 6 other tables did it too. It was hilarious. We're awesome. That's final, haha.

Other than that life is pretty boring. It's always some appointment or another I have to go to followed by filling out another form, doing my physical therapy exercises at home, scheduling another appointment, being in excruciating pain, the list goes on and on.

Since I'm not wealthy enough or healthy enough to go on some fancy tropical vacation I want to play Mario for the Wii... Can someone give me like 50 bucks? I have 2 wii-motes, we can play 2 player. It will make me super duper happy.

Ok, I think I'm gonna go cram some fruit in my face (I actually have some food in the house now!). It's a happy day for my tummy :)

Thursday, March 31, 2011

So Over Everything!

Here's an honest post about my life. I'm so fucking sick of it! At this point I don't care who reads this or what they think after they do. If you choose to use it against me then you can kiss my fucking ass.

I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which means I have some REALLY BAD DAYS! People judge a lot and think I'm psycho but I am at the point where I don't really care what they think anymore. It's a real problem. My anxiety because of it has been through the roof lately and pretty much no one cares. It's a problem that can swallow you whole. There are a few things that could help me not get there but NO ONE seems to try to do any of those things. Everyday I struggle to get out of bed, weather it's from the constant excruciating pain that I'm in or from the PTSD. And every day I have to take on the world for simple things that everyone else takes for granted. Seriously. I can't even reach in the dryer without feeling like there's razors shooting from my spine.

Everyday I face lots of things that remind me of everything I CAN'T do. I'm not looking for pity right now either, I'm trying to educate you on what it's like, or if you are in a similar situation let you know that you aren't alone. I've been through SO much in the last 3 1/2 and I have had to alter my life in ways I never thought I would have to all because of someone else's negligence. I had to take 2 medical withdrawals from school (but of course I still need to pay that loan back), it took me 3 1/2 year to get a 2 year degree, I can't work because I can't sit, stand, bend or otherwise move without pain, I'm an emotional wreck because everything is finally catching up to me, I have doctors, psychologists, psychiatrist, physical therapists, orthopedics, lawyers, insurance companies appointments and all sorts of other things almost every day of the week. I have no time to have fun. Not that there is a whole freaking lot I can do.

Today I screwed up an important doctors appointment. I have too many things going on that I can't even keep track of everything. My quality of life is shit right now. I'm just SOOOOOO sick of having people say "I wish I could make it better. I'm so sorry you feel like that." and then I flat out let them know how they can help and they DON'T! Even though I bend over backwards for them, or their family. It's 15 times harder for me to do it than for someone else to. Oh and when I spend money and it's unappreciated it really pisses me off. Ya wanna know why? Cuz I CAN'T WORK!!! You're just lazy and don't feel like doing anything for yourself cuz everyone else always does it for you. Must be nice.

How is all this fabulously raw emotion for you? I'm sick of trying.